Hey there Reader,
I’ve been thinking about what it really means to deepen friendship in midlife. Not just having people to chat with, but building the kind of selective, steady, I-choose-you connection that feels grounding and nourishing.
And the truth is, it gets harder.
Not impossible. Just harder.
A study from UC Berkeley caught my attention this week. It explored oxytocin, the hormone we often link to love or closeness, and found something interesting. Oxytocin isn’t only about romance or parenting. We also need it for friendship, especially in the early moments when familiarity and trust begin to form.
In prairie voles, which are surprisingly excellent models for human bonding, oxytocin helps them recognise their friend. It speeds the early spark of connection. Without it, they still bond, but it takes much longer. They mingle but they don’t connect. They lose track of their person in a busy room.
And I couldn’t help but think about midlife women.
The proximity-based friendships of earlier seasons such as school, university, or early motherhood shift. Our children grow up. Work roles change. Weekends fill differently. We may feel the ache of wanting deeper connection yet feel rusty in remembering how to build it.
But maybe slow is not a sign of personal failure. Maybe slow is simply biology.
Connection takes time. Safety takes repetition. Warmth takes intention.
What felt easy at school or in new motherhood often needs a different kind of tending now. Small cues of closeness. Shared laughter. Warm messages. Being seen and seeing someone back. These are the things that tell the brain: this person might matter.
🔬Tiny experiment
This week, try one small oxytocin-boosting action with someone you’d like to feel closer to. Choose the one that feels most natural:
• Send warmth, not efficiency A quick voice note or a message that starts with “This made me think of you.”
• Create a shared sensory moment A walk. A beach sit. Music together. Coffee and a sweet treat at a cafe.
• Start a micro-ritual A Friday photo. A weekly one-line check-in. A shared question of the week.
• Use gentle touch if appropriate A warm hug. A squeeze of the forearm. A hand on the shoulder.
• Let someone in one layer deeper Not the whole story. Just one true sentence.
• Name your appreciation “It feels good to talk to you.” “I love our conversations.”
📝 Journal prompt
What might open up if you treated connection as something that grows slowly over time, instead of holding the story that it’s too late for new friendships to begin?
💌 Reader reflections: Your experiments, your insights
If you try something this week — a message, a moment, a new ritual — I’d love to hear what happened.
Hit reply and tell me one thing you noticed. I may share a few reflections (anonymously if you prefer) in future newsletters.
📚 Club corner
This week in The Good Life Book Club, we’re finishing up The Book of Alchemy by Suleika Jaouad. This marks our last book of 2025! It's been a blast and I can't wait to take it to the next level in 2026.
👉 Click to join the book club here - You’ll get a reading guide, weekly prompts and end of month tiny experiment challenge to help you dive in plus first access to our paid membership tier launching in April.
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