Hey there Reader,
I recently started reading Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger after hearing Corey Keyes mention it in a conversation about languishing. One idea in particular I wanted to mention here:
“Humans don’t mind hardship, in fact, they thrive on it; what they mind is not feeling necessary. Modern society has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary.”
So many of the struggles we label as burnout or low mood are not caused by exhaustion. They’re a drift: a sense of being unanchored from contribution or community. Life might be full, but something essential is missing: the feeling that we matter to others and that our presence has weight.
Junger’s point is not that hardship is desirable. It is that meaning and necessity are protective. They steady us. They give us direction. And they remind us that we belong somewhere.
Modern life is efficient, comfortable, and individualised. It also makes it surprisingly easy to forget that we’re part of something larger. And when we lose that sense of necessity, even small challenges can feel heavier than they should.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about where, in my own life, I feel necessary. Coaching. Teaching. My family. Small interactions that remind me I'm part of a larger fabric. None of it is heroic. All of it is grounding.
And maybe that’s the point.
Necessity doesn’t have to be grand. It is usually found in modest, everyday contribution. The things that quietly connect us to one another.
🔬Tiny experiment
Find one small way this week to contribute in a way that reminds you that you matter.
Offer help where it will genuinely be felt.
Give attention to someone who needs it.
Do something simple that strengthens the fabric around you.
Choose something modest and specific. Notice how you feel afterward.
📝 Journal prompt
Where in your life do you feel necessary?
Where do you feel peripheral or replaceable?
What might shift if you moved toward the places where your presence has weight?
💌 Reader reflections: Your experiments, your insights
If you try this week’s experiment, I’d love to hear what you noticed.
You can reply to this email. I may share reflections anonymously in a future newsletter.
📚 Club corner
The Good Life Book Club is on its scheduled seasonal break. It will be back in February with Corey Keyes' Languishing.
👉 Click to join the book club here - You’ll get a reading guide, weekly prompts and end of month tiny experiment challenge to help you dive in plus first access to our paid membership tier launching in April.
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