Hey there Reader,
Last week, I saw my mum for the first time in many years. Less than five days before our visit, she’d had a fall while walking her dog and broken her arm. When they scanned her in the hospital, they discovered a mass on her brain which now requires further investigation.
In the past, my role in our dynamic was that of fixer. I approached conversations ready to solve, to plan, to take charge. But this time, something was different. I was different (thank you coach training). Her life, her choices, and her circumstances were complex, as is our relationship. My version of “help” might not be what she needed most. So instead of leading with solutions, I decided to lead with listening.
I paid attention not just to her words but to how she said them: the pauses, the phrases she repeated, the emotion beneath them. My intention was to understand.
That small shift changed everything. It softened the conversation and it softened me.
And that, I think, is what October's book Radical Listening is really about.
As Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener write, radical listening is not just about hearing words. It’s about bringing full awareness, curiosity, and respect to another person’s story and allowing yourself to be changed by what you hear.
🔬Tiny experiment
This week, bring awareness to why you listen.
Notice your intention: are you listening to influence, connect, or appreciate (the social intentions)?
Or are you listening to learn, understand, or solve (the cognitive intentions)?
There’s no right or wrong here, only awareness.
See what happens when you pause to choose your intention before you speak or respond.
đź“ť Journal prompt
Think of someone you’ll talk with this week.
- Which intention do you usually bring into your conversations with them?
- What intention might create more connection or understanding?
- How does it feel to shift your focus from what you’ll say to why you’re listening?
Afterward, reflect on what changed in the conversation and in yourself.
đź’Ś Reader reflections: Your experiments, your insights
Every week I share a tiny experiment, and I’d love to include your experiences in the journey.
As you explored listening this week, what intention did you notice most often — to understand, to connect, to solve, to influence?
What shifted when you chose a different one?
Hit reply and tell me about it. I’ll share reflections in future newsletters (anonymous if you’d like), so we can learn and grow together — one tiny experiment at a time.
đź“š Club corner
October’s read is Radical Listening by Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener.
It invites us to consider not only why we listen, but also how: introducing six practical skills that deepen understanding and connection.
👉 Click to join the book club here - it's free and you’ll get a reading guide, weekly prompts and end of month tiny experiment challenge to help you dive in.
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